Oscar dresses 2017
Last year I did a post with my sisters and my mum, 'critiquing' the Oscar dresses, although you couldn't exactly call it that. It was more like chatting random rubbish, but it was good fun, so I thought I'd record our ill-informed opinions on this year's outfits too. We've no Genevieve this year (she's away at uni in Bath) but my dad stepped in instead. Hope you enjoy! Firstly though, a disclaimer: I know all of these dresses are beautiful really, as are the people in them. And Rosie says to tell you she'd had a tooth out yesterday (or part of a tooth, the dentist yanked at it for ages but didn't manage to get the whole thing and she's been referred) so was in pain and feeling less kindly than usual.
Mum: I'm not sure I liked her dress
Rosie: No I didn't.
Me: I think it's nice. I like her headband thing and the earrings. But it looks like something out of, what was that film? Crimson Peak.
Dad: It looks like there's a big blue stain on it.
Me: No, that's a ribbon, it's supposed to be there. Something to do with the Muslim ban? [It's to support the American Civil Liberties Union, read more here]
Rosie: Yeah, I like that.
Mum: Mmm. I don't think I do.
Me: Do you not? I do, it's like, 20's. The fringe.
Rosie: It looks good on her though, doesn't it?
Mum: Well I mean it's...nice.
Mum: That's very Elizabethan.
Me: Yeah, it looks like something off Reign.
Taraj P. Henson
Me: That's nice. Her figure looks great.
Rosie: It's blue?
Me: I think so - and velvety? Flattering on her.
Me: They're all wearing this funny colour. This funny, washed-out...I mean, it's pretty though.
Me: Do we like this one? It's a good colour on her.
Rosie: Bit boring.
Mum: I like it I think.
Dad: Too red.
Mum: I liked this fluffy one.
Rosie: I like the top bit, I don't like the bottom bit.
Me: It might have been more flattering if it went straight down.
Dad: Her head looks stuck on.
Me: We're supposed to be commenting on the dresses.
Dad: The dress? Makes her head look stuck on.
Mum: I like it, it looks very simple. Very French.
Dad: It makes her shoulders look too skinny.
Me: It's okay, but -
Rosie: Yeah, it's a bit of weird shape.
Mum: Oh is that Aragorn? He looks good, doesn't he!
Me: He looks great.
Dad: Who's that?
Me: Viggo Mortensen. Aragorn.
Dad: Oh, yeah.
Me: I think he gets better with age.
Dad: But does he get any parts?
Me: Yeah, that's why he's at the Oscars. He's nominated.
Dad: Mess, really.
Mum: Yeah, I think it's a mess too.
Me: I think it looks a bit like...on that wedding dress programme, Something Borrowed, where they make over the Mum's wedding dress. Before they change it, and it looks a bit yellowed. It's that colour again.
Mum: Is that Halle Berry with the hair?
Rosie: Is that her real hair, do you think?
Mum: I like that, one of my favourites. I love the bodice of that dress, and the way it moves.
Me: Why are all the men wearing white? (Dev Patel was too.) He looks like a waiter, but scruffy.
Rosie: He looks like he'd bottle you.
Dad: He looks like he's got bandy legs.
Me: Look, let's concentrate on the outfits:
Dad: No, but what he's wearing, makes his appearance like that. So it is relevant.
Mum: I don't really know what that does for her body shape.
Me: No, it makes her boobs look big. But not in a good way.
Mum: The drape thing looks odd.
Me: If it didn't have the slit, it'd be nice. It'd balance out more.
Me: I like that.
Mum: Yes, I think that's very nice.
Me: Not sure on that one.
Rosie: No, makes her look short, the way it's cut.
Dad: I think it's ok.
Me: It's a bit T.K Maxx.
Rosie: Yeah, definitely.
Me: That looks nice, I like the shoulder, the cape bit.
Rosie: She looks like she's draped in a hospital curtain.
Dad: Her head looks like it's hovering above her neck.
Rosie: Isn't that what most people's heads are like?
Dad: Yeah, I know but it looks like there's a gap between the neck and her chin.
Mum: It's too white.
Dad: Yeah, she looks like she's just wrapped a bed sheet round her.
Rosie: No, that's not bad, I don't mind it.
Me: I think it's nice but it annoys me with the necklines...
Mum: They're all too low.
Me: Not too low, just too wide apart. It should be a V-neck not a U- neck.
Dad: It looks like they haven't actually finished making it.
Rosie: I like Dad's comments - they give an interesting viewpoint.
Dad: I haven't really seen a nice dress yet.
Mum: I'm not fussed.
Dad: I think the dress is nice, it's just her.
Me: I like her, what's wrong with her?
Dad: No, but that dress is very nice, it just needs to be on somebody else.
Me: I like that.
Mum: I like it, but the cleavage is all too low.
Dad: Her arm looks very long, doesn't it? Her right arm.
Rosie: I like it, I like the little black ribbon.
Mum: Yeah, that ribbon adds, doesn't it.
Dad: It's alright.
Me: It's not flattering.
Rosie: No, it's wrong somehow.
Me: It's pretty, but it makes her look like she's got a big waist, and she's tiny in real life.
Me: I like that, but I don't think the colour suits her. But it is nice.
Dad: I like that.
Mum: It did look good actually when you saw her moving round in that, I have to say. A lot of swish to it. She obviously went for the Beauty and the Beast look, didn't she?
Dad: Oh, was Andy Murray there?
Rosie: It's not Andy Murray, It's Andrew Garfield.
Me: From 'Spiderman'.
Dad: Oh, he looks like Andy Murray.
Matt Damon and Luciana Barroso
Me: Oh, that must be Matt Damon's wife. I like her dress - I think?
Rosie: It's okay.
Me: It's a bit futuristic.
Mum: But also sort of 1930's sort of style.
Michelle Williams and Busy Phillips
Me: I know that one in the Green, what's she off?
Dad: Judy Dench?
Rosie: Judy Dench?
Me: Dad, have you got your glasses on?
Dad: The one on the left?
Mum: She's just got a Judy Dench haircut.
Me: That's Michelle Williams. No, she does look a bit like Judy Dench there actually.
Rosie: She does.
Me: That's nice.
Mum: Just simple and a bit classy.
Rosie: Kind of starry.
Me: Right, I saw this in another picture and it looked better.
Mum: I saw her presenting the prize in it and it looked really good actually - but I'm sure the woman announced her as 'Olivia' Vikander.
Rosie: I think she's very beautiful.
Me: She'd look good in anything really.
Dad: I like it, although it looks a bit like wallpaper.
Mum and Rosie: Yeah, it's nice.
Me: The thing is though, this doesn't have any back or sides.
Mum: It must be very revealing if it doesn't have any back or sides?
Dad: I think we need to see it from the side to get the full impact.
Me: No, I don't think we do.
Dev Patel and Anita Patel
Me: Aw yeah, he brought his mum didn't he.
Mum: She looked very lovely in her sari-style dress. And so proud when his name came up for his nomination.
Our favourites of the night:
Me: Janelle Monae.
Rosie: Brie Larson.
Mum: Dev Patel's Mum.
Dad: Leslie Mann ("the yellow dress.")
Did you watch the Oscars this year? Who were your best - and worst - dressed of the night?